Day 32

I haven’t been completely celibate for this long since 2012. I feel like a closed bottle of Diet Coke and mentos, unsure of what to do with all of this extra sexual energy. I strangely have no desire to relapse, but I also feel a bit uncomfortable down there. What’s helped me keep the streak is a number of things: in particular this app and the money investment, the fear of feeling that shame again for relapsing, being in a relationship with someone I want to honor, eating glucose-rich produce that settles the adrenals, getting good sleep, and believing in life review in an afterlife. I feel a bit disappointed in myself that so many of my motivations seem to be fear-based, but hey, at least I proved to myself that I can do this. Don’t underestimate your free will, men.