after 2 days I have in and I feel super bad. I don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore, why do I keep going in this endless cycle of depression and guilt after I masturbated. Someone help me I’m not right.
I don’t know what you believe in, but the Bible’s actually a pretty great source on this. One of the greatest builders of Christianity, Paul, put it this way (it’s long): “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.” Romans 7:15-23 ESV https://bible.com/bible/59/rom.7.15-23.ESV Basically, there’s the you that wants what’s good and right and pure, and there are forces in this world set against what’s right and pure, and because we’re part of the world, those forces are at work in and against us. We know what good we want to do, but we do what we know to be bad and hate ourselves for doing it. Paul knew that to mean the sinful nature of man was responsible for his failings, not the good man he cultivated within himself. You’re going to mess up. The evil in this world (the devil, I believe, but call it addiction or nature or whatever) wants you to dwell on that and be ashamed. Instead, take heart in knowing you want freedom and a clean life. You’re stepping up to work toward freedom - that’s amazing! Shame and guilt and depression just want you to give up and die. That’s reason enough for me to ignore them. I hope you will, too. Keep fighting.
Dude i did the same thing. You’re not alone. You’re not weird. It’s just a bad part of life we are trying to overcome. It takes everyone different time and different solutions
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All that is to say, nothing is wrong with you. You’re a fighter. Bad things always freak out and come back with a vengeance when someone stands up to them. The failure illustrates evil’s desperation to end you, not the value of your own effort.