I deeply don’t want to be like this anymore
I’m 29 and I’ve been an addict for maybe 17 years now. I’m so tired of living like this. I’ve tried so many times before to quit. I think the longest I ever went was like 3 months, then had a wet dream and relapsed hard. I’ve tried going to in-person SA, but the time commitment on an already stupidly busy schedule was next to impossible. Back when I was going, my longest periods of sobriety was about 10 days max. Now, after finding this app, my longest streak has been 3 days with me now completely fallen back into using multiples times a day. I’m so exhausted of all this. My every day life is plagued by lust and the next high. Once I found this app and decided I wanted to make a genuine change in my life, it’s like all the powers of darkness began working against me to pull me back in. I turn 30 in 6 months, and I don’t want to start the next decade of my life with this burden on me any more. I feel so incredibly weak and pathetic against this monster. I know there’s no quick or easy cure, and that this will be something that will always plague me, but I’m so ready to set it down and not pick it up again. My whole soul is crying to be rid of this, but my body is so incredibly weak. There’s only been a few times in my life that I’ve experienced true despair, and it’s like all of last month was constantly that after deciding I wanted to quit. Please, with all the pleading a grown man can muster, help
Gotta agree with the guys above. We’re the first generation that has been exposed to this. By the time we were exposed, no one knew how damaging this was, and our young brains stood no chance in fighting it. Don’t blame yourself man. You’ve had the wisdom to realise the reality of the situation and that’s the first (and most important) step to recovery. I know how you feel though brother, it can feel hopeless sometimes. I’ve been on my knees pleading to God asking him to remove this from me before. Just know that we will all win this battle. It may take a weeks, months - it may even take longer. It’s an addiction just like alcoholism or drugs or any addiction. But we will learn to defeat it and overcome evil. I like to think of how I will be once I’ve overcome it, and the value in the lessons I will have learnt along this struggle. Our hardships shape the men we become - the bigger the hardships, the stronger the man. You’ve got this brother. I don’t know if you’re religious or not, but I do know that God sees our struggles and wants to help us all. My conversion to Christianity two years ago has helped me immensely. You’ve got this mate. Keep going. We’ve all got faith in you!