Whatever you do don’t involve your gf/wife/spouse

@austin There’s a difference between letting them know your every thought and letting them know you broke a boundary by acting out with porn when you’ve agreed not to? It’s not about porn at the point it’s about trust and integrity that you’re able to live with integrity.

@eli okay if we’re being honest 99% of people here will look at porn again in they’re life, they will fail at not looking at porn time and time again for the rest of their lives. That’s being honest, your partner doesn’t need to know everything. They don’t need to know every time you had a lustful thought. “Honey I would just like to come clean and be honest, Iola’s at that chicks butt at the gym today”….. “babe I want to be completely and totally 100% honest with you, so the other day when X happened I looked at her boobs and thought wow those are nice, I just want to be transparent I’m sorry” “Babe I jacked it again to porn when you turned me down for sex” They don’t want to hear that, and it’s selfish to be using them as a therapy tool to confess to

@Eli Nah, man it’s all good. Wish you all the best in your journey.

@abood I gotcha. That wasn’t clear in your original message since you said you would never tell them about your addiction.

@Eli My goal is to be free from this faith BEFORE getting married. I don’t want my future wife to deal with this crap, she did not sign up for that. What is considered lying is keep doing this filth while being married and that’s absolutely not what I want to do.

@Austin You’ve already lost if you’re thinking if we’re all being honest we’re going to fail again. There is a life outside of looking at other people have sex on a screen. Wanting to have someone who is okay with porn is one thing, then do what you want. But if your partner isn’t okay with it you’ll never have a fulfilling relationship that it’s built on lying in order to hide a dark part of you. It sounds like you have accepted that porn is going to be a part of your life. That could be why it hasn’t worked. Spouses see right through that, especially when they know us like they should. It sounds like you’ve had a rough experience with this in the past, I’m sorry about that man.

@jmike I can see where you’re coming from to, but if we’re all being honest… we’re all going to fail again at some point, it’s our nature. A supportive spouse can only go so long on supporting a porn addicted partner before they get sick of it and start resenting. “Why do I have to have the husband with the porn addiction” “why is everyone else’s husband normal and mine is an addict” I’d rather have a partner that understands porn is normal as in majority of people consume it and live normal lives. I’d rather a partner believe I consume it to a normal degree, even though reality is I’m going porn free. I’m not making that my wife’s problem and she doesn’t have to even think about it. It’s beyond embarrassing hearing wives talk about their husband’s porn addiction. They look so distraught like they can’t stop being cheated on and they don’t know what to do. It’s pathetic.

@abood That’s all good and well but you must accept you’ll never have someone that will truly know you. You’ll never have someone you can look in the eye and think “this person knows all of me and loves me anyways” and that’s the most beautiful thing in the world. You’ll also spend your relationship lying to your partner when they think everything is good. But hey, if that’s your goal with keeping it a secret then good luck with that.

@Jmike I strongly disagree with your statement. I CANNOT bring myself to tell my future wife about my porn addiction. It’s going to completely destroy whatever left of my self-esteem and self respect. I would rather die alone than sharing this filthy addiction to anyone regardless of who they are. I’ll battle this filth in secret and beats it by the will of Allah ﷻ

I can see where you’re coming from but I disagree! When my husband told me he still had a porn addiction after 3 years of lying to me, I was really upset, I didn’t know what to do. I knew I wasn’t going to let my relationship fail because of this so we fought for everything. It got to the point where I ended up relapsing into my porn addiction, anytime we were brutally honest with each other, we chose to be kind and try to help each other rather than tell each other how much we failed. A porn addiction is hard on a relationship but with the right person, you can overcome it.

I appreciate what you’re saying but I disagree. If your wife truly loves and supports you that includes your failures. It’s a hard conversation to have and trust is broken and has to be repaired (because we did break their trust). But bringing addictions into the light is how we handle the problem, not hiding our recovery like we did our usage.