31 days - Motivated by fear

By far the best motivation? Fear. At some point of my life I got scared that rewiring my brain to a healthy (=normal) sex life would become impossible for me after so many years of consuming porn and masturbating. This scared the shit out of me. This vision of a dysfunctional man, not being able to get an erection, to last more than a minute or two, this body drained of energy, useless, hollow, weak. Sad. I realized this was no longer about sex life, but life as such. Scared the shit out of me. Though it was a gradual process of realization. As it turns out, this fear was and is completely valid. The research (the little there is) shows that as you get older and the year count gets higher, your chances to ever rewire your brain and start living as nature intended get slimmer and slimmer. At the end, you may end up as a complete wreck. I seem to have overcome this addiction now. But I’m lucky. I know that unlike many others I have a loving girlfriend. God knows how I got her. Still I wish I would have found the strength to overcome this curse much sooner. I’m 31 days clean now, the changes are beyond my expectations. You know the benefits, you’ve read about them. Still, to actually experience them is a different matter, opening “new vistas” as they say. Let me just tell you, in short: It makes you feel 1000x more normal. The guy in the movie scene who just kept going in bed, enjoying the sex, the scene where you were like: “I sure as hell hope this is not common and its just acting because this would mean I’m completely useless in bed.” Well, when you overcome this addiction, the guy is you know. And its seems normal, natural, no shame, nothing. Just life, healthy. As nature intended. Sure, I’m no superman, I still have bad moods, doubts etc. That’s normal part of life. And it should be accepted as such. There are limits to life, physical etc. But do not try to overcome these limits through addiction. I pity my former self and the untold millions of men (and women) who suffer (yes, suffer, it is the proper word) from this terrible modern addiction that too often is either ignored or ridiculed as inconsequential. What could be more consequential than sexual drive? We look at nature and see that there are species, indeed all of them, whose sole purpose is to procreate. And so it only makes sense that this primary motivation for all living would be at the center of our lived existence transcending just sex and orgasm, but an actual part of our motivation to live and live fully. Modern life offers so many possibilities but also countless traps to fall into. This is one of them. I have said my good bye to this trap that kept making my life worse. Do so too — or slowly die.