Powerful internal resource

TL:DR I enjoy writing. I’m sharing this journal entry, with some story, because I believe it could resonate with other quittr’s. I have undeniable proof of the person I am without porn. Driven, successful, confident, proud. This evidence is a powerful motivator which I plan to lean on for difficult times during my no fap journey. I only care about winning the race against myself, that is, the version of me that never used porn, because if anyone can catch up to and win against the alternate universe version of me, it’s gonna be me. About 5 years ago, I was between jobs, my car was totaled, my gf of 7 years dumped me. I was overweight, I was depressed, I had been using porn since I was 11, and at the time this happened I was using it multiple times a day. I also liked to drink, smoke, and eat garbage food all day. I DIDNT CARE to recognize the extraordinary value of my life. Even when I finally did, it was still incomprehensible to me. When I was using porn I knew life had some value, but like my job, my car, my ex gf, I took life for granted. After some reflection and being tired of being miserable, I decided to push changes into my own life. That was the best decision I ever made. I overcame my depression, I got a job I loved, and met the woman I’m going to marry. I received promotions, raises, my relationship with my parents was improving, my siblings were also healing from our shared traumas. I learned new skills, paid off debts, and built a brand for myself within my company and my community. I felt like I climbed up above the city and got a birdseye view of the world for the first time in my 30 years on this planet. But, I became complacent and comfortable. Porn found its way back into my life, I let my guard down too much. It slowly crept in, taking over my emotions and my mind. Porn is insidious that way. Slowly my ambitions and clarity eroded, and porn kept me blind to its effects. Within 2 years, I was fired. Then, i didn’t care to find another job for nearly 8 months. I had financial problems and borrowed money from family. My relationship is still going strong, but that’s because of who she is, she has been nothing but supportive through all the turbulence. I’ve decided I will marry her but first I need to get my act together and start climbing upwards again. I won’t put her in jeopardy because of my failures. I won’t put pressure on my relationships with friends and families because I need to borrow money. That was a humbling experience and a wake up call I ignored. I’ve been working again this past 7 months in the field that I love, at a company ripe for growth. I’m in prime position to succeed and grow. The opportunity is there, I just have to be prepared to seize it. Porns been holding me back still, and it’s time I acknowledged it and addressed the problem. This time. I’m done with porn for good. And I won’t be lulled into a false sense of security anymore.