Patience. Meaningful connection.

Today I let my lustful thoughts win. I didn’t relapse, but I hung out with a girl whom I thought we’d have a good connection with. Originally we were gonna sex shop, she literally was saying she’s gonna start her onlyfans back up in the summer and wanted to see something about mechanical dildos. Me I was gonna go get a ring for myself. Idk why I thought that was okay. Thankfully i deterred us from the plan and stuck to my original plan today: Go get a French baguette at Stop n Shop so I can cook the dinner for my mother and I. This is when it gets interesting. Y’all ever seen the meme “damn shorty this is how you live”. It was literally that. I have never been so annoyed and stressed by the way someone lived and treated their animals. All she had to do was finish cleaning her dishes but she literally wouldnt focus, started cleaning other stuff kept prolonging it. I literally kept saying “I have to go cook for my mom and I” she jusy didnt give at clearly (to which I realized by the end of the night) “We all aint perfect” I kept telling myself because The lord was not holding back, he kept bringing my attention to more and more about her. We get to stop and shop, she not even focused on what she went for, which was food for her dogs, cats and turtle. My brothers and sisters; I had to remind myself to be patient and be careful with what I say. She kept trynna steal shit and bring me into it. I don’t appreciate the cost of living but I’d like to be able to buy groceries anywhere for myself and family. My mom ended up making the dinner and I was so upset with myself. I let the lust win but once I put the rest of my day in the lord’s hands he really gave me a showcase of why I need to be patient and not lustful. I did feel like an idiot but I’m glad I experienced it.