I Was 116 Days Clean… But
The first time I lost my 116 day streak… What I did not know is that it would be a start of my relapse repetitive cycle. Back to the PMO. I lost all control. First it was every 5 days. Then it became every 3 days. As of recent… It became every day. I forgot my ‘why’. I forgot my ‘vision’. I forgot my ‘purpose’. It’s agitating, especially as a Christian man. I know this is not what I am called for. I’ve seen glimpse of what success looks like for me but I am killing it by sinking myself back into the depth of sin. I’ve relapsed multiple times in my life. But this most certainly was the worse. I found myself actively seeking ways to bypass restrictions. I have stooped low and lessened my life. I stooped to the level of mediocrity and GOD-FOR-REALLY-BID. I’ve got a future family to feed and a future wife to provide for. This will not be attached to me when that time arrives. I’m stronger. I’m wiser. I’m in Christ. All good things are reserved for those who love Christ dearly. So there can be no way that extreme misery becomes my portion due to my actions and inactions. I just ranted a little bit. But I needed to get it off my chest.
It’s beautiful to know and also be encouraged that’s it’s one step at a time,we’ll make it with God’s help