11 to 31. I want to be free
Brothers, I feel like I’ve kept this bottled up inside for so long, 20 years of chains and being trapped. A neighbor showed me porn on their family computer while going inside for a quick water break while playing one summer day when I was 11 and asked if I wanted to see something cool. Of course I said yes, I thought he was going to show me a cool computer game or something, I wasn’t expecting him to show me a naked woman, it’s seared into my brain what I saw, I felt drawn to the video, I couldn’t look away. It grabbed hold of me so hard and I was sick to my stomach, but also thought her naked body was beautiful and I wanted to be with her even though I didn’t know what that meant. I when home for lunch and my mom and older sisters knew something was wrong, they asked me at the table what had happened and I was so ashamed and scared, I lied and said nothing. Things were ok for a while but about a year later I got a laptop to do my homeschool work on and I had unfettered internet access. My parents had no idea how to use a computer so hiding my search history and looking up every subject I could think of to study the female body was open to me, I eventually moved on from images to videos and began to get hooked more and more. This lead on and on and on into more and more content. Eventually after a failed relationship I got right with God and began reading my bible every single day and grew strong, I put away porn for several years and grew into a man for the first time that I could be proud of, this lasted for at least two years until I relapsed. I got “victory” temporarily over it here and there, enough that I thought I could control it, even began the relationship with my now wife during that time of freedom and went several years again without it, got engaged and then married and did great for my first few years with only a couple of short relapses. Fast forward to the last year, I’ve found extremely successful financial success with my work and have funds that I never could imagine, and all I want to do is sneak and buy tokens on chat video sites with porn models and Onlyfans. I’ve spent thousands of dollars that we were going to use for an adoption. I’m so ashamed of myself. Today I got right with the Lord once more and deleted everything, all saved content, all my passwords and hidden emails, deleted my credit cards that were attached to porn sites and shut it all down, deleted all the apps that led me to feeling weak, and found this app right before deleting instagram. It just all clicked into place. So I’m ready. I’m ready to walk head held high, so have actual intimacy with my wife and to want to have sex with her without her begging me for it. Im ready to become the man of God that Jesus would have me be, the husband and future father that I need to be. TO BE FREE!
brother, message me, my number is (208) 810-5776. I’m 23 and a christian as well. Would love to pray with you and give you some godly counsel! We’re in this together.