I’m letting myself and the side down
Day 0
by George
224 upvotes
I fucked up over the past couple weeks. I was doing so well. I managed 52 days without porn, which is the longest in a few years. Then I let some bad experiences at work get the better of me and I relapsed HARD. It’s all too fucking easy to just download google chrome and go to town. I sometimes wonder if I even want to be free. I sometimes wonder if God has abandoned me because I keep abandoning Him.
God will never abandon you, brother. Although I understand your angriness and sadness towards yourself as a result of the relapse, please focus. What I mean is this: The devil had entered your system and knocked you over after 52 days. But the thought of God having abandoned you is just another jab by the devil, understand? It’s a constant boxing match with the devil. Don’t think that God abandoned you, if you accept this or even consider it as a potential fact, it’s easier for the next couple of punches by the devil to hit. And once the devil has landed enough punches, you are going to be knocked down. It’s important to know the devil’s punches. This is one of them. You’re doing great, brother. I love that you are critical of yourself. But God will never abandon you. This is not in His nature. Stay strong. Embrace the highs and the lows. There’s a bigger picture to it. You’re on the trajectory to become a functional God’s soldier. Godspeed, brother.