Relapsed twice! I’m so f*cking mad with myself.

I was doing so well, but I relapsed twice in an 8-hour period, and there’s no denying it. I absolutely hate this! The disappointment I feel right now is overwhelming. I’m anxious and nervous. I thought I had this in the bag! Up to the moment, I literally had no intention nor wanted to do it. I don’t know why I decided to “edge.” The next thing I know, I was watching stupid videos and ended up finishing the deed… now it’s morning time and FUCK I WOKE UP AND DID IT AGAIN! I don’t understand because every single thing in my life you could consider being an addiction (alcohol, weed, cigarettes). I’ve done a shit ton of them, but if I decided not to the next day, I can literally stop doing them on the spot. But I can’t stop fucking masturbating if it were to save my life. *sorry for the swears I’m just so mad*