The hardest thing ever is being married to a woman you love so much, think is so beautiful and sexy and have an ocean sized mismatch in libido. This is extremely frustrating. It leads to more than just sexual frustration, but to many self destructive behaviors including porn addiction, self hatred and resentment of your spouse. With very essentially no other avenue of release except sex with your spouse, life can be very very hard.
I’ve been there brother. And the underlying problem that most don’t realize until too late is that we subconsciously carry expectations about sex (from porn) into the bedroom with our wife when she does agree to be intimate with her, and on top of that if she’s aware of our issues with porn it affects her self esteem, and respect for us that we’re lusting after another woman. Recently started reading the book “The Masculine in relationship” and it breaks down how most of us with cold/dead bedrooms have fallen into a pattern of not showing up for our wife in a true Masculine way (which is what she’s craving) and if we make that shift the attraction, intimacy and affection all follow. Just stay the course and believe that nothing will ever change for the better while we rely on porn to fill that need we’re craving with our wife! We’ve got this.
I’m in the same boat. My wife is 6 months postpartum (2 kids in 2 years btw). Her libido is practically nothing. It took a while for us to have a conversation about it but it really helped me realize that it’s not due to a lack of attraction, but more her own feelings and lack of confidence.
Work on diet and exercise to increase libido and leave porn and masturbating alone. Those will worsen it
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@Garrett one thing I have done is have a marriage based on completely open conversations. I talk about everything with my wife, we don’t hold anything back. This is why I am confident that I am providing everything she needs. She will call me out on BS and like wise. We often talk about our miss-matched libidos and I know it’s her and not me lacking in any aspect. We don’t know why her libido is lower over the past few years but she does take a med that lowered libido. Also we both work long hours with long commutes and have the kids. This is why I talk to her openly. I do things to help, not to get more sex, but to ease her mind that I got her back no matter what.