How to believe in yourself through this journey?

It’s been revealed throughout my school that I have an addiction to porn. I’m on my second year of college right now, concerned about my future considering everything that has happened. I’ve been addicted since I was 12 and the only time I’m able to escape is if I’m having sex consistently with someone or if I’m about to. I’m deeply ashamed about it everyday, and I’d much rather have a loving relationship with someone but worry that may never happen due to these issues. Lack of sleep, isolation, and hunger combo pushes me over the edge nearly every time. Any 3 of these things will take me there and I don’t know the real reason why. Regardless though it’s frustrating, this has gotten in the way of my ambitions and unfortunately I have to consider switching careers. For reference, I attend a popular music school in nyc and several of the musicians who work in nyc graduated from this program. Most of my class already gigs in nyc now. So people will know me for this, and the deal is if there’s ANYTHING sexually abnormal out here, you’re cooked. They’re not in the wrong, this is creepy behavior, but they don’t know how long I’ve been dealing with this. They just look at the fact that I’m an addict. Any advice on how to continue from here will help. Thank you.