Random Thoughts

Was thinking today what I’d be like if I had no addictions and was in control of what I wanted to do. No vaping, no porn, no excessive eating, no sugar or alcohol. Just all addictions gone, no vices, no way to dull pain, suffering or loneliness - having to embrace it fully. I feel like all of these things is like covering our inner child with rubble, enough so we can no longer see it or hear it. When we heal, we’re lifting that rubble away one rock at a time. Once we get a glimpse or can hear what’s underneath, we try to drown it out again by falling to these vices - why we relapse when we’re trying to give it up. I wonder what it would be like to have no rubble, to hear that inner child fully - what would it say? could I care for it and forgive myself for what I’ve done to it? or would the voice and sight of it be deafening and blinding that I wouldn’t be able to cope. I guess I’ll find out. Just some random thoughts