Finally over it

I’ve known for years that I’ve been addicted to porn, but never let myself admit it even to myself let alone anyone else. I’m exhausted from the shame. I want to be free of this. I want to lay in bed and just go to sleep. I want to be fully attracted to someone, not just think “she’s cute”. I grew up religious, and one of my religious teachers’ direct quotes is “sexual sin is second only to murder”. I was a child and took that to heart. But being a young teen boy, ofc I jerked off. That lead to so much shame and I wanted to feel better, leading to porn, and this never ending cycle. Been dealing with my first glimps of Ed, and it scares me. I’d be more than willing to bet it’s overstimulation, but idk if that’s permanent and it scares me. I’m ready to quit. I’m terrified of relapsing again. I want this to be over. It is over. I’m done with it.