Dating while recovering
Anybody here recently begin new relationships and want to discuss boundaries if there are any, regarding nude photos from their partner, or sex in general? The reason I felt compelled to bring up this intrusive topic is not for any definitive answers. I just wanna get diversified perspectives and the relationship insights you gents are willing to share. I am a previously divorced guy about to turn 30. Not only have I been married but I was engaged last year to a very toxic female that used sex to redirect my lust from porn. I went 8 months without porn or masterbation while with this lady, but only because we were having sex up to 3-4 times a day,I basically lost interest in porn. Until we split and it wasn’t but 3 days after and I was back into pornography and masterbation. I say all this for 2 reasons, one is to bring up the question of abstinence while dating and to get some thoughts on it,because a situation like mine that included over fantasized sex between 2 former porn addicts easily becomes no different than porn itself « Disconnected and used to fill the void where love is lacking » My other reason is that I am a Christian who recently started dating a fellow Christian who is also a virgin, she is fully aware of my past, and we have no intention of having sex any time soon if at all before marriage. I think my challenge comes with knowing I can abstain from pornography, even sex, but masterbation through fantasies of her seem to be the only thing that negates extreme lust directed towards my partner. In the end it seems most on this thread are aiming for a natural sex drive to pursue a woman physically but as Christian’s the calling to a higher standard means even tempering this and redirecting that sexual energy into energy given to higher conscious behavior. Along with any relationship input is there anyone that can chime in that has experience remaining 100% abstinent including no masterbation, pornography, or sex of any kind for the full duration of a committed relationship until their marriage?
I can relate here as a fellow Christian. The journey of recovery was one that I wanted to start for the sake of having a healthy relationship/marriage when the time would come. I will admit that I’ve failed on every end however, whether it be flings and hookups, or masturbation. But the fight reminds me that there’s something worth fighting for to begin with. I’m pushing because I’m curious to see what God’s version of this all can look like. I’ve been having the same troubles when it comes to fantasizing. The best advice I can give to that is to literally FLOOD your mind with thoughts of Christ to combat it. Wash out the lust with thoughts that are worthy and also censoring the content we absorb as well. You’d be amazed how a break from social media changes your perception of periods and boundaries. As for Boundaries - take things as slow as possible. One of the sneaky ways that porn has impacted me is that it has caused me to rush relationships. I gain strong feelings way sooner than I should, seeking out the next level of intimacy (sex). So I often end up skipping through my checklist of criteria and overlook a lot of toxic traits in order to get the desired outcome (sex). Stay focused brother, there’s more to the relationship than sex and the body, and they’re all much more valuable too. God will honor what He is pleased with, so that’s my aim as well. Wish you luck in your endeavor brother 🙏🏾.