Locked in

Day 1: Locked in. The day is April 6, 2025. The time is 11:49 pm. I have just relapsed again. I have gotten way too comfortable and it seems every night I just do it out of habit or to relieve some stress. No more. Any nuts busted will be with real women. No fantasies, no self-gratification. I’m not a bitch so it’s time to stop acting like one. Be okay with the uncomfortable. Welcome it. Welcome change. Welcome freedom. Allow myself to be free from this addiction. I find it funny that not once have I used the panic button when I’ve gotten these urges. I must not want it bad enough. I need to work harder. Distract myself. Become a beast. The gym is my safe space because it makes me feel good about myself. It helps me work off the anger that is a result of this addiction. But I’ve beat it once, I’ll beat it again. I just have to take control. Be aware. Breathe. Meditate. Stop this nonsense. This bullshit. I’m a man now. I’m an adult now. This shit is holding me back. I can’t progress further if I let this addiction hold me and chain me down. The weight gets too much. Fatigue, brain fog, depression are all probably because of this. I remember what it was like to feel like a normal human being. Normal urges, free flow conversations. I threw that shit away for what? Some dopamine spike I get when I’m alone? Huh? Would I want anybody walking in my room seeing me do this? No, I wouldn’t. Stupid piece of shit. Be a man. Lock in. You messed up but it’s okay. Setbacks are a part of the journey and progress will come. I say this today: I will no longer allow myself to be a slave to this addiction. It’s over. I am free. April 6, 2025