I feel so ashamed

Amen!

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” ‭‭1 John‬ ‭1‬:‭9 If you asked for forgiveness and truly mean that you are sorry, then it doesn’t matter if you are better or not because you are a righteous man. It is tough for me to say this because I also struggle with beating myself up, but the only person who is allowed to judge you is Jesus Himself, so if He sees you as righteous then what’s the purpose of judging yourself for what you did. God has already forgotten about it.

Guilt is healthy shame is poison. Shame is “I am bad,” guilt is “the action was bad”. No room for shame in recovery. Sorry brother you gotta get rid of it ;)