Please help
I have struggled with porn all my life. With a difficult childhood, once I was exposed to porn, it became my escape. My instant stress relief, I loved it. After I had a difficult break up a few years back I did not masturbate or watch porn for at least 6 months straight. However now over the last two years whilst being in a relationship I have recognised just how bad my porn addiction is and how I genuinely cannot seem to beat this fucking addiction. I’m ashamed of the man I am because of it, I’m furious at myself and every time after watching porn when I feel horrible I say, “never again, that was the last time.” But I clearly continue to lie to myself. I don’t feel in control of my own body and mind. I’ve never posted anything on here before, I never thought I would. Any detailed strategies or advice would be greatly appreciated if you were once in my position.
Ethan, I know how hard it is. I’ve tried a bunch of different things too. Some worked, some didn’t. But honestly, the thing that’s helped the most is having someone to keep me accountable. It sounds basic, but it has made a real difference. For me, it’s my partner. She knows how much I struggle, so we made a deal. Every night, I’d tell her something that went well, something that didn’t, what I could do better, and what day I was on. Like “day 9” today. It’s kinda like a loud reflection. Like what you’d normally journal or just think about quietly, except now I’m actually saying it out loud to her. Hearing myself say it makes it feel way more real and also helps her to understand how she might be able to support me. It doesn’t have to be a partner either. It just needs to be someone you love or respect enough that you don’t want to lie to them. When Ive stopped doing that, I’ve slipped. I had been clean for months, and even up to 2 years before that, but when I drop the accountability part, I often think I have it under control, and then everything falls apart pretty quick. So I’m sticking to it this time. Anyway, that’s what’s helped me the most. Maybe it’ll help you too.