This is a spiritual battle
This is probably the hardest thing I have done in my entire life. But I will get through this. I’ll completely lock my phone and computer down if I have to. Genuinely I have to get a grip. Because this is ridiculous. I’m dying. And I’m doing it to myself. I knew before I relapsed the consequences. I do every time. The consequences never change. The self hatred is always the same, the disappointment is always the same. I can say oh this will be last time but fuck me it’s been 8 years. I have to put God first in my life, if I want to be clean. If I want to be sober I have to put God first. But why is it so hard to put him first know. My God, my God, I want you and I’m going to try to pursue you first everyday. I will not be perfect at it but I need a change.
He is there for you every day! Look for the smallest signs each day and He will reveal Himself to you in His own way. PMO dims your light. You never know when you need to shine. Your next big opportunity could be right around the corner!