Trauma help please. Ex vs wife
Day 1
by Jordon D
35 upvotes
During my first marriage, I brought up my issues with porn, and I always felt attacked by my ex. She had good intentions, but it always led to a disappointment type feeling, and she’s always get upset. This was one of the reasons she left (not the porn specifically, but her lack of empathy while I was vulnerable. Caused me to close up more). I’m now remarried, and have had my ups and downs, but I haven’t specifically told my wife about my relapse. I don’t think she would react the same way, but I’m scared. Help? How to I bring it up?
That’s a tough spot to be in. I wrestled with that, too. Ultimately I decided that if I really wanted to succeed, I needed as many allies as I could get, so I shared with my wife. I don’t give her all the details and I don’t have her as an accountability partner, but she know my weakness and knowing she knows and loves me anyway has been a huge help. Be careful that you’re not playing into shame - that feeling wants to keep you stuck, and knows that sharing with your spouse might generate more shame. So, if you think it can be helpful and you can tackle it together, let her know and have her in your corner. My guess is that she’ll love you more for trying to succeed than finding out some other way, even if it hurts in the beginning. But don’t do it to feed your feelings of shame. That will drag you both down.