Oh Boy

Last night was tough. I had a lot of downtime, and the urge to relapse was loud. I caught myself wanting to watch porn or give in and masturbate—my brain trying to convince me it’s no big deal, that it’s normal, harmless, even deserved. Instead, I ended up scrolling on my phone for hours. Not ideal, but honestly? I’m proud I didn’t give in. The temptation was real, and I sat with it instead of acting on it. That’s progress. What’s helping me right now is staying busy. I’ve got a camping trip planned with some buddies, and next week I’m going on vacation. I’m really thankful to have people around me who want to spend time together—it helps me remember I’m not alone, and I don’t have to turn to old habits to fill the space. It’s wild how intense the urges can be after just two days clean. But I know this is part of the process. I’m staying grounded in the fact that being busy, staying social, and showing up for myself is the best way to keep moving forward. One day at a time. I’m doing this.