It’s so hard to stop.

My longest streak was 14 days. I can’t imagine how I’ll do better than that. I get so anxious all of the time. I get so down that I fall back into it over and over. It starts as a “curiosity” like “I wonder if I can find it on YouTube or Instagram.” Or “I wonder if this person got leaked” then it dissolves into straight up watching porn. I feel so disconnected from everyone. I have a beautiful girlfriend and she does everything right. I do Love her. It’s hard to explain how it’s not her fault that I’m a creep with an addiction. I struggle with intrusive thoughts. They attack at the darkest hour, making me think of horrible things or mistakes I’ve made. Every step I take and every action I do is criticized by my own subconscious. I can’t escape the thoughts, I’ve tried smoking weed, it makes it worse and more intense. It only went away once, I was drinking a gallon of water a day, eating a lot, taking vitamins, and working out. I just can’t find the energy to get back into it.