Day 2 was tough

Day 2 of trying for the millionth time to quit porn. I’m dealing with a lot of physical pain right now that is making me want to relapse; I’m not good feeling uncomfortable, and I have no healthy coping skills. I’m also under a lot of monetary stress, and familial stress regarding my parents and their relationship problems. I’ve been put in the middle of their constant fighting ever since I can remember. My brother dealt with it by expressing his emotions and eventually going to therapy, but my parents weren’t very sympathetic and understanding when it came to WHY my brother was struggling so much. I was struggling too but I, for whatever reason, didn’t want anybody to know that I was affected. I bottled it up and became, for lack of a better term, emotionally numb to any sort of pain or negative feelings. I just didn’t like the idea of being vulnerable like that in front of other people, it petrified me. And so my way of dealing with it became eating. I was the chubby kid at school, and as I got older it became a huge struggle for me. Food brought me comfort but once I started becoming more aware of my body, I became incredibly self conscious and sad. Which caused me to eat even more in this vicious cycle. Around this time is when I found porn. And over time, that became my new outlet for my emotional problems. I went the opposite direction and started starving myself, and lost all the weight in middle school and became the skinny kid. So much so that my doctor became concerned. But with porn I didn’t need the food to bring myself joy, which I appreciated. But now, almost 10 years later, porn continues to be what I want to turn to when I am struggling mentally. I don’t know how to stop. All I can do is try. Sorry for the wall of text, I doubt anyone will read this far anyway. It was more of a distraction for me so that I wouldn’t be tempted to look at anything. I’m going to attempt to sleep now. Thank you.