I’m ashamed of my filthy mind (help)
I’ve tried to quit and relapsed a thousand times but this time feels different very different to before, I’m on 14 day streak and I’m proud of that but my urges won’t go as expected however what I’m afraid of is just my filthy mind - I’ve realised that my biggest trigger is social media and that’s why I’m deleting it because it’s the most tempting thing however recently my urges have gone worse - for some reason now I can fight the urge to masterbate but I still want to watch porn - I feel like social media leads to that. I ended up viewing certain things and my mind now has new fetishes (when they say the longer u watch porn the stronger more extreme fetishes u might end up enjoying because regular stuff doesn’t satisfy that much, I never had that issue when I used to watch and jerk off but now I feel like this has come about recently for me because since I’ve quit I can’t stop thinking about porn and social media has led me to other fetishes). Now maybe this is because I’m so tempted that I’m a bit more sensitive so that’s leading me to being turned on by more things now. For the record I didn’t relapse but I’m not proud to say this I ended up back online viewing these new fetishes that I have…. However I didn’t masterbate even tho I wanted to I found it easy to resist but the issue is I kept watching and looking for more then I snapped back to reality and closed everything and went to take a shower. I’m not afraid of relapsing right now because even though I confidently fought the urge to masterbate however I’m afraid that I’ve now gained these new fetishes that I never had before and I’m afraid that might lead me back to relapsing later or these fetishes might stay with me and I’ve never ever had them before. I should have deleted my social media long ago. I’m afraid that my mind won’t get clean and it’ll always be filthy and thinking of porn. What’s the point of quitting and becoming physically clean if I’m not mentally clean 🤦🏻♂️ I hate thinking of filth and I want to be mentally clean.
Man I really appreciate all these responses thank u guys 🙏🏼💯 God bless u all. Mentally I was more afraid of having a consistently filthy mind and just developing fetishes because of how down bad I’ve been. At first I thought that the biggest challenge would be resisting the physical temptation but now it’s the mental battle too. But I do have hope I know I can do it and I know everyone else can too. My biggest hope is it have a clean mind one that doesn’t think about all that filth bullshit and instead is focused on healthy and good things.