I hate myself
Day 1
by Garrett
8 upvotes
18 years of this crap. It has messed with my brain so much. I want to crawl into a hole and go dormant. I want a fresh start where no one knows me. I want a New Game +. I don’t know who I am despite being a husband in his 30s. I want to sleep until everything gets better. I feel trapped in my own skin. I feel the resolve to do better, but I fear I don’t have the ability. I feel that even if I stop porn, I will replace it with something else that is bad for me. I crave approval from those around me, especially those who don’t like me. I feel like I am in a spiral that can’t be pulled out of. I just want to cry.
Brother all I can say is, give it to God man. Surround yourself with guys who have the same mindset as you do. The only way out of this for most of us is to have a change. And that change is on us. 18 years doesn’t just go away overnight man, you have to be the one to make the change. There is no new game + although that would be sick dude. Think of it like red dead, there’s an honor meter. The more good we do the better we feel about ourselves the better we are TO ourselves and the people around us. You have the ability to make the right decision, even though you want to keep the money you just got back from the town thief (red dead reference lol). Yk what I mean? There’s a path out but it just looks different for each of us. Your way of that hole is there and trust me you’re not the only one who want to hide in one. Urges will happen. Failure will happen. But battle by battle a war is won.