Can’t keep my mind off it
I’m an addict of 7 years, I started when I was 13 unfortunately I had pretty much unlimited access to the internet and it was all downhill from there. I’m sitting here post-relapse thinking where it all went wrong and If i’ll ever be able to break free from these shackles. I’ve been on a relapse cycle of about every 6-7 days for the past year or so. Its agony, once I get to about day 4-5 all I can think of is if todays the day i’m going to relapse and just genuinely bad thoughts about women even when i’m busy. I have a fairly busy schedule, work 9 hours a day and am busy with physical exercise for 1-2 hours then bed. I typically relapse when I start scrolling on instagram or TikTok, I see something lustful and it feels like someone in my head takes the sticks and my consciousness is just on auto-pilot. I genuinely am in shock afterwards everytime, I feel like i’m doing good and just like that it’s like someone knocks me out and i’m reawakened to absolute chaos in my head. Outside of my addiction i’m a genuinely content person, I take no medication and am fairly social and happy person but this is starting to make me feel like i’m going insane. I’m hoping someone with a similar scenario could give me some guidance.
You should find a picture of yourself when you were a little kid, or just younger. It helps you remember who you truly are. All children are pure and so were you, so every time you feel like relapsing ask yourself who you are, and try to remember that you can do it because you’ve done it before. Obviously you are in a different part of life than when you were as a kid, but you can have the desires of your younger self if you choose. 🙏🏼