It feels like it doesn't even matter tbh

I did almost 4 full days after who knows how long. Literally years. I come back after an uncomfortable and very long day at work and I watch it for about 10 minutes. And stop. So I relapsed, and I hit the button. First thing that comes to my mind is that if I relapsed then I might as well actually do it and not stop, and it'll even help the urges in the next 2 days. I know that's bad, I shouldn't do it, and I didn't do it, but it does feel like it makes no difference whatsoever. Reaching the actual ejaculation or not is the same. The almost 4 days themselves also don't feel they matter either. Who cares if it's 1 2 3 or 4 if I'm not going to fully quit anyways? i don't think there's such thing as progress because it's not linear. Progress would be that from now on I can do 4 days nearly always with little effort, which obviously isn't true