This time was different

Another point I forgot to make is that there is often this feeling of rejection when you try to initiate something and the other party is not interested. You can remove this from the equation of temptation by simply abstaining and choosing more fruitful forms of intimacy, which will ultimately benefit the relationship.

I respect your honesty. You’re clearly serious about change—and that’s where everything starts. I read your story and couldn’t help but notice something that I’ve learned in my own walk: sex within a relationship—even a loving one—can actually cloud the healing process, not help it. It gives a sense of closeness and peace, but often without the foundation of spiritual and emotional integrity that true freedom demands. It’s easy to believe that a relationship will “fix” the addiction. But what you’re experiencing shows the opposite: porn habits distort intimacy. They confuse the purpose of sex and separate it from true love, presence, and self-gift. When the brain’s been trained to associate arousal with isolation and secrecy, it takes time and space—without sexual activity—to rebuild the neural and spiritual connection between desire and real love. I have three kids. There is no time for physical intimacy anymore and that is completely okay. It is a blessing to be able to focus on the other aspects of love that have helped me to know her and love her more deeply than I ever could when we had more time on our hands. Eros is only one form of love and it’s the least of them in my opinion. Seeing my wife with a handful of kids in another chair across the room doesn’t make me yearn for physical closeness. When I remove the obsession with what I want to do later on in the day for my own self pleasure, I see my companion, my partner, my wife, the mother of my kids. It is more beautiful than any fleeting pleasure. The fact that your girlfriend didn’t judge you and instead held you closer? That’s grace. But maybe that’s also your cue to protect the gift of that grace by taking a step back from the physical side of the relationship. Because when sex is taken off the table, it’s easier to pursue her heart—and God’s will—for the both of you. You don’t need sex to prove love. In fact, your ability to wait may be the most loving thing you ever do for her. “For God did not call us to impurity but in holiness.” (1 Thessalonians 4:7) You’re not alone, and you’re not beyond healing. This was a low point—but it can be a turning point too. Don’t let shame keep you from the work God is doing in you. One day at a time. One “no” at a time. One prayer at a time. Keep going. You’re stepping into something better.

Been there bro! Let’s start stacking wins- one day at the time.