No shame in falling

I started this journey and I lasted 18 days without any masturbation. It was just getting too heavy for me to finish the 90 days in one go. The past week I was thinking about it a lot and I masturbated with nothing just thinking of the pleasure I was giving myself. Honestly it didn’t feel as good as all the expectations I had on it, and not only this, but the day after I masturbated again in the morning just because I saw a picture of a hot girl on instagram. On all my time masturbating, I havent really felt “shame” or “disgust” but yesterday I did. This will help me for sure move forward and reach the goal to completely be free. Further I didn’t feel anxious the past weeks and I slept good, but guess what, the day after the relapse I slept horribly and anxiety crawled back. I know it is going to be difficult, but I cant be incredibly hard on myself for relapsing. Only relying on willpower is impossible. Going all the way in one go is very complex and you have to feel good about how and why you do it. Now I get up and I continue the process. If anyone is reading this I highly recommend to read the book when you click the button of porn research.