See yourself through God’s eyes
“Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the Lord, and Satan standing at his right hand to accuse him. The Lord said to Satan, “The Lord rebuke you, Satan! Indeed, the Lord who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you! Is this not a brand plucked from the fire?” Now Joshua was clothed with filthy garments and standing before the angel. He spoke and said to those who were standing before him, saying, “Remove the filthy garments from him.” Again he said to him, “See, I have taken your iniquity away from you and will clothe you with festal robes.” Then I said, “Let them put a clean turban on his head.” So they put a clean turban on his head and clothed him with garments, while the angel of the Lord was standing by.” Zechariah 3:1-5
I asked God to show me how He saw me. I saw myself covered in nets, overlapping each other, each one chained to heavy anchor points on the ground. So many, I was unable to move, hunched down to an uncomfortable squat-like crouch, layers of harsh nets between my stomach and legs, backs of my upper legs and lower legs, around my arms between them and my body, my head not even visible. I could see myself and feel myself in this position at once, and I showed God desperately, How did I get this way? He showed me: I started off great. But I had times I was unsure about, fearful, angry, alone, confused, and horny. I tried many things to feel better. Horny? Masturbate- feel better, it was like a blankie-it made me feel comfy and better for a little, but not fully better, still a little exposed. So I’d want more. Soon I’d feel just as horny or worse. — I didn’t notice that the blankie had changed into a net, and while I was enjoying its comfort, it was being anchored to the ground! I’d feel bad again. Friends would talk me into getting good and drunk. Another blankie—another net. Smoking-another blankie-net! Masturbation not enough, need to add porn, blank-net! Need stronger and stronger porn, stronger masturbation stronger nets! Marijuana- blankie-net. (Although for me, that came later) I had all these nets tying me down from temporary worldly fixes that do not really fix anything, many of which just add more problems. I realized my condition, and I think I actually said, “Oh, woe is me! Is there any hope for me, a sinner to break free from all of these nets I’ve bound myself in?!” I look to me left, and I see Jesus casually standing there, leaning on this huge sword. Just like, “HELLO!!” But saying nothing. And I realized all I had to do was ask. And I said, “Jesus, please free me from these nets!” He said, “I will, but first, you must forsake them.” I went through each and every one, saying, “I forsake ________!” And the sword cut away that net, then the next and the next…until every bet was gone. Then Jesus smiled and said, you never got comfort from any of those blankies, but I give you the COMFORTER. And the Holy Sprite came over me like a humongous thick white down comforter, fully covering me, and then some, fully engulfing me, completely enshrouding me and overwhelming my senses so that all the concerns of the day were for from any consideration. My, my, my. Yes, let God shipped you how He sees you! Zephaniah 3:17…it is good.